102 More Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
by Ohfortheloveofpete
Summary: Jar Jar Binks is going to die again. Because apparently killing him a hundred and one times wasn't enough.
1. Cheating Death

_I decided to write a sequel to 101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks, since you loved the first one so much._

_The first death is going to be...well, Death. Let's just say that cheating Death is a very bad idea. Unfortunately for him, Jar Jar's gonna do it._

_Let's see what happens._

**Chapter 1: Cheating Death  
**

Unfortunately for the Sarlacc, eating something as disgusting as Jar Jar Binks gave her indigestion.

She proceeded to spit out the heroes, who had been consumed by her.

"Thank goodness, that as awful..." noted Anakin.

"I was burned by acid..." remarked Padme.

"Why does being digested have to take so long?" inquired Obi Wan. He was under the impression it would happen sooner.

Qui Gon Jinn shrugged.

R2-D2 and C-3PO noticed them. To be honest, they hadn't been sure how they would get them out.

"Weren't you swallowed?" asked Anakin. It seemed that they had escaped the Sarlacc some time ago.

"We were spat out because we weren't organic." noted C-3PO.

R2-D2 nodded. The plant only wanted meat.

Suddenly, Jar Jar Binks was spat out.

"Manen, oh manen! That was incredibly painful!" bellowed Jar Jar. He would have gone insane if he weren't already crazy.

"Oh, look whose back..." noted Anakin.

They had to admit, it was pretty satisfying to feed Jar Jar to the Sarlacc, though unfortunately they had been swallowed as well.

Now that he was back, perhaps it was time to start killing him again.

The only question was how to do it. Even the Sarlacc wouldn't cause him to suffer forever. He would be spat out again, most likely.

Suddenly, a flier to an amusement park flew by.

"An amusement park, you say?" asked Anakin.

For now, why not have some fun? They had been released from the Sarlacc so they might as well go enjoy themselves.

They went to do that.

Shortly after they entered the amusement park, they discovered a way to kill Jar Jar Binks.

Apparently, one of the roller coasters had been closed down due to how ridiculously unsafe it was. Apparently, the designer was intoxicated.

However, it seemed that nobody was watching to see if someone would attempt to ride the roller coaster anyway.

People were smart enough not to ride it...but perhaps they could persuade Jar Jar Binks to ride it.

But at that very moment, Jar Jar Binks had a vision.

A vision that involved him dying horribly on the roller coaster.

He decided not to ride it. What if it actually happened?

Everyone groaned.

The Gungan decided to celebrate.

"Yay! Mesa cheated death! In yousa facen, Death!" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks cheerfully.

However, at that very moment, the Grim Reaper himself showed up.

"You dare cheat the Grim Reaper? You must die!" shouted Death.

Death swung his scythe and cleaved Jar Jar Binks in two, his face showing abject horror.

"To be honest, I wondered why you kept killing Jar Jar Binks so many times. Now I see why. He disgusts everyone he meets...and now he's disgusted me." noted the Grim Reaper.

He had killed himself once before...now he felt like doing it again.

"I guess that was why the Sarlacc spat him out..." noted Anakin.

Still, it was pretty satisfying that he had ended up in the belly of the Sarlacc in the first place.

Despite all the times they had killed him, they had only encountered Death in the bones only once. It was surprising to see him again.

"Strangely enough you don't seem afraid of me..." acknowledged the Reaper.

"We've learned there are worse things than you." answered Padme.

"Wait, does using the Book of Resurrection not count as cheating Death?" asked Obi-Wan. Perhaps they should reconsider using it.

"Well, you don't rub it in my face like Jar Jar did..." noted Death. That had really aggravated him. Then again, everything the Gungan did was aggravating.

Qui-Gon shrugged.

The Reaper decided to leave.

"I'm off to crush Ensign Wesley underneath a starship..." said the cloaked skeleton.

"Good luck with that." said Anakin. He likely deserved that.

Fortunately, Death allowed them to continue resurrecting Jar Jar...which they did.

A member of the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization approached them.

"Oh, you're back..." said the man.

Fortunately, the brainwashing hadn't worn off during the heroes' stay in the giant plant.

Well, now they could kill Jar Jar again.

_I decided to reference Final Destination. And yes, I've already referenced a lot of horror movies. Well, let me know if you have any ideas._

_You might want to check as to whether I've used the death already though. I don't want this fanfic to get too repetitive._


	2. King Kong

_In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to be introduced to King Kong. And yes, it's not going to end well for him. But then again, when does Jar Jar Binks NOT die in this fanfic? You should know the formula by now, unless you haven't read the first one.  
_

_I got suggestions for this one though I'm not sure whether they were from the same person or not. Either way, this sounds like a good idea to me._

**Chapter 2: King Kong**

Outside the window, Anakin could tell something was wrong.

Apparently, King Kong was on a destructive rampage throughout New York City.

It was broad daylight, so the gorilla was clearly visible.

As he roared, he broke glass windows.

It was on the headlines of the newspaper. The New York Times wondered if the world had gone bananas.

Anakin wondered if it would be Godzilla next. In the past his friends had encountered Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Xenomorphs, and the Devil himself, so anything seemed possible at that point.

Perhaps they would list that death underneath radiation poisoning. But perhaps that wasn't gruesome enough.

They decided to go to the city to investigate.

Sure enough, people were screaming and running as far away from King Kong as humanly possible.

"Well, thank God we're not being attacked by a giant chimpanzee." remarked one of the civilians.

King Kong was beating his chest and throwing cars everywhere.

Where was the military when people needed them?

Jar Jar Binks looked at King Kong in astonishment.

"That una big ape!" exclaimed Jar Jar Binks.

"I'll say." nodded Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Did some gorilla eat a radioactive banana or something?

"You sure we should be here?" asked Padme.

The longer they stayed in the city, the more unsafe it seemed.

King Kong didn't seem to notice their presence, but still.

"If anything happens, we can always resurrect ourselves." noted Anakin.

"True..." answered Anakin's girlfriend.

"I have to question how such an ape grew to such a massive size..." pondered C-3PO.

"He better not take my clothes off." remarked Padme.

Suddenly, Anakin Skywalker had an idea.

"Why don't you dress like a banana?" asked Anakin.

"Why not?" asked Jar Jar Binks.

Jar Jar Binks did just that, completely ignoring there was an ape terrorizing the city.

He also got some maracas for some strange reason.

"Is it PBJ time?" asked Jar Jar.

"Sure, whatever." answered Anakin Skywalker. The sooner he got King Kong's attention, the better.

"What does being a banana have to do with peanut butter and jelly?" inquired Obi Wan.

Jar Jar Binks shrugged and began to dance.

"It's peanut buttah jelly timen! Peanut buttah jelly timen!" sang Jar Jar Binks.

Inevitably, King Kong mistook Jar Jar Binks for a sweet, juicy banana.

The giant gorilla licked his lips.

He grabbed him and began to munch on him.

Jar Jar Binks screamed.

As King Kong feasted on Jar Jar's flesh, blood began to drip out of his mouth.

Though he didn't taste like a banana like he assumed he would, he still tasted delicious.

Anakin Skywalker and his friends began to laugh.

"Why is he going on a rampage anyway?" asked Padme. Did someone swipe his banana smoothie from his hand?

"Maybe people built this city right over his jungle." noted Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"Not a smart idea." noted Qui-Gon Jinn.

Anakin wondered that himself...though he didn't ponder it too much. This had given them the opportunity to kill Jar Jar Binks once again.

Suddenly, a small monkey approached him.

His name was Curious George.

Apparently he had been curious and had gotten himself separated from his father.

You couldn't expect anything else from a monkey known as Curious George.

But if he didn't have a tail, why did people refer to him as a monkey?

It was weird.

Perhaps the Man in the Yellow Hat didn't know the difference between monkeys and apes...not that he was a dummy like Jar Jar Binks was.

King Kong picked him up...

...and they left to head back to the jungle.

"Well, that was weird." noted Anakin. The rampage had ended just as suddenly as it had begun.

"But at least we won't have to worry about him destroying the city." remarked C-3PO. He actually liked it there.

R2D2 beeped in agreement.

Perhaps the citizens of New York could rest easy now that they didn't have to worry about ridiculously large gorillas.

They all went back home afterwards...

...but not before they resurrected Jar Jar Binks. Who knew when a monster would attack the city again?

_I figured this would be a good way to kill Jar Jar Binks so I included King Kong. And of course, I also threw in a twist ending._


	3. Hot Wax

_In this chapter, Jar Jar Binks is going to get dipped in hot wax! That's something you're looking forward to, right?  
_

_And yes, this was a suggestion somebody gave me._

_I hope they're pleased with it._

**Chapter 3: Hot Wax**

Once again, Anakin wondered how he should kill Jar Jar. He had heard him singing and it had gotten on his nerves, so he decided he was going to make Jar Jar Binks say his prayers.

Although, sometimes he wondered if God actually made Jar Jar. He seemed more along the lines of the work of the Devil.

But he didn't think Emperor Palpatine had made him, either. Not even he would create something so obnoxious.

"I could strangle him with his own intestines...but where did I put my lightsaber?" asked Anakin. That would be pretty useful for cutting him open for the procedure. And it would cauterize the wounds so that he didn't die so fast.

He actually wasn't sure.

Well, maybe he could look for it later.

What if he were to dip Jar Jar Binks in sizzling hot wax?

That would be lethal and painful.

And it certainly would be fun to watch. He would get to see the look on Jar Jar Binks' face, for one.

"It seems as good of an idea as any. I'm not using ear wax though." noted the teenage boy. That would be just gross.

Maybe after they were finished with him, he could donate him to a wax museum afterwards. No doubt it would attract visitors, namely Jar Jar Binks haters.

Then again, he would like to kill Jar Jar Binks once again sooner or later. His screams of agony and terror were simply exquisite. And yes, he never got tired of hearing his screams.

All they would need to do is find some hot wax to use.

Fortunately, there was a candle factory for that purpose.

He gathered his companions and they went to the candle factory to gather the wax.

Fortunately, they were open today.

As soon as they had enough to cover Jar Jar, they went to find him...after preheating the wax, of course. Otherwise it would simply be an annoyance to the Gungan...which would be ironic considering how many times the Gungan had annoyed them.

Currently, he was dancing.

"Me'm sure that notten will gos wrong today!" exclaimed Jar Jar.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure it will." remarked Qui-Gon Jinn.

Unbeknownst to Jar Jar, his friends happened to be right above him, on a balcony.

"Good, he hasn't spotted us." said Padme Amidala.

This made their job a lot easier.

R2-D2 beeped in agreement.

He failed to notice his friends (or the people that he thought were his friends, anyway) preparing to drop a vat of hot wax on top of him.

The hot wax fell on Jar Jar very suddenly.

"Huh?" questioned the gungan.

Within seconds, Jar Jar Binks was covered with the extremely hot wax.

"AAH! IT BURNS!" exclaimed the obnoxious alien in pain. Just how many degrees was the hot wax, anyway? He was pretty sure it was at least a couple hundred.

Now that he thought of it, maybe talking wasn't such a good idea. The hot wax could end up pouring into his mouth...which would burn his tongue.

"Is it just me, or does Jar Jar Binks have a lot of pain receptors?" asked Padme.

"Well, he wouldn't be screaming as loudly if he didn't." noted Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Shortly afterward, Jar Jar Binks died from the third-degree burns he received from the hot wax.

"Well, since I'm not interested in having a wax sculpture of Jar Jar Binks, maybe we should resurrect him." noted Padme.

Although, she did enjoy his frozen face of terror. Maybe she could look at it for a few minutes longer.

She then got an idea.

Maybe she could take pictures?

Then again, Jar Jar Binks would get suspicious if he found them.

But she figured that she could hide them where he couldn't find them.

So she decided to take pictures of Jar Jar.

Anakin nodded.

Padme Amidala giggled as she took pictures of the wax statue of Jar Jar.

When Padme was finished, Anakin read from the book the Anti-Jar Jar Binks Organization given him. How they had obtained the means of resurrecting Jar Jar Binks, he did not know. But he didn't really question it, either.

He had used the book over 100 times at that point.

How much longer would he be using it?

While he was reading the spell of resurrection, the wax gradually melted off of Jar Jar.

"Why does mesa smellen liken candles?" asked Jar Jar, unaware to the nasty death he had suffered earlier.

"No idea." answered C-3PO.

Everyone went back home...though it wouldn't be long before they attempted to kill Jar Jar again.

Their life was basically a routine at this point...but a fun routine.

_Somebody suggested this and it seemed as good of a death as any._

_I could kill him with the corona virus...but that might be in bad taste._

_Maybe I'll feature characters from the Star Wars sequel trilogy._

_That might be enjoyable._

_Then again, this series kind of takes place during the Star Wars prequel trilogy._

_But I might take some creative liberties._


	4. Wood Chipper

_I decided to kill Jar Jar Binks with a wood chipper this time._

_It's going to be gruesome. As you can probably imagine. That's why I figured it would be fun to read._

_And yes, this was one of the suggestions._

**Chapter 4: Wood Chipper**

Anakin thought about how to kill Jar Jar next.

He considered using an axe, but he figured that might be a bit too easy, though it might be fun to reference the Shining. It would be ideal if he could come up with something creative.

He could try strapping Jar Jar Binks to a rocket and launching him into space, but R2-D2 was currently using their rocket to fly to the moon.

He figured that he should try doing something creative. Something that would really make that annoying Gungan scream.

Anakin decided a wood chipper would be an excellent way to do it. It would be nothing short of a horrible death, especially if Jar Jar went in feet first.

Fortunately, there was a chipper in the nearby forest. It was useful for lumberjacking work.

He decided to tell his master of the plan. It would be better to act with his friend's approval...though they always approved of killing Jar Jar.

"Psst! Master Obi-Wan!" whispered Anakin.

"Yes?" asked Obi-Wan.

"I've got another idea to kill Jar Jar!" exclaimed the teenage boy.

"What is this time?" asked the jedi master. Anakin had come up with a lot of ways to kill Jar Jar over the years.

"We're going to kill him with a wood chipper!" shouted the father of Luke Skywalker.

"That's a good idea." nodded Obi-Wan. Giving Jar Jar Binks a horrible death was always the funniest.

How did they have fun before they started killing him, anyway? Did they practice lightsaber duels?

He gathered their friends so that they could all see the death.

Well, except for R2-D2.

He was on the moon at the moment. Which was a shame, because he was going to miss out on the fun.

Oh wait, maybe they could videotape the carnage. Perhaps Jar Jar Binks haters would be willing to buy it...though they might be confused if they found he was still alive later. Maybe they would think it was special effects?

They told Jar Jar Binks that they were going on a camping trip in a nearby forest.

Hopefully they could elude law enforcement this way. Though none of the police really liked Jar Jar. He ate their donuts once.

And it wasn't like Jar Jar was going to disappear anyway.

"Ooh! A camping trip sounds fun!" exclaimed the Gungan.

Fortunately, he agreed to go there.

He was looking forward to roasting marshmallows.

However, he became suspicious when he noticed the wood chipper.

And for some strange reason, none of them had brought tents. Were they sleeping outside? The Gungan was worried that wolves were after him.

"Wait, what is this wood chipper for?" asked Jar Jar Binks. To his knowledge, they were camping, not lumberjacking.

And none of them had brought axes.

"Just one reason." answered the jedi.

Anakin shoved Jar Jar into the wood chipper.

He then turned it on.

The now doomed Gungan screamed as the chipper tore him apart.

"Mesa not a tree!" exclaimed the Gungan.

Blood splattered over the nearby trees.

It wasn't unlike the time they had killed him with a giant blender. That had been hilarious...except for Jar Jar Binks, of course.

"Mesa sure have lots of blood." remarked the Gungan. How did his body contain it all?

Inevitably, Jar Jar was dead. Perhaps they should consider selling his organs to a hospital. That way they could kill him for fun and profit.

Whatever organs hadn't been shredded, anyway.

It would help them buy new things to kill the Gungan with. That was for certain.

"Well, that sure was messy." noted Anakin. It was a bloodbath.

"Some of the blood got on my clothes." complained Padme. She was going to have to use the washing machine later.

Although, maybe she could try stuffing Jar Jar Binks into a dryer. She couldn't drown him with a washer but a dryer might be efficient.

Still, it was pretty fun to watch. And his dying screams were hilarious.

Afterwards, they resurrected the Gungan.

"Why da forest so bloody?" asked Jar Jar Binks. There seemed to be blood dripping from the branches.

Luckily, he didn't recognize it as his own blood.

"We just remembered that it was hunting season." explained Obi-Wan. That was a half-truth...as they were hunting Jar Jar.

"Good thing you don't look like a deer..." noted Qui-Gon Jinn.

Although, chances are they might make him look like one in the future.

Afterwards, they went back home.

"Is da campen trip cancelled?" asked Jar Jar. That trip to the forest seemed kind of short.

"We just remembered that it was going to rain." explained Padme.

"Aww..." pouted the Gungan. It seemed that his friends had forgotten to check the weather before beginning the trip.

Although, it appeared to be sunny outside.

He had been looking forward to the camping trip.

_Once again, Jar Jar Binks has died! Yay! _

_I'll check the reviews for other ideas...or maybe I'll come up with one myself._

_Maybe I'll have him be eaten by a Demogorgon. That would be fun to watch._

_And considering how much Jar Jar bleeds, it wouldn't be hard to lure one to him. Or maybe I'll saw him in half. I don't think I've tried that one._

_Goodbye for now._


End file.
